One day you're going to be ok.
One day you will look back and be in awe that you got this far.
One day your heart won't hurt so much and your mind will feel more clear.
One day you will live again with an open heart....open to all life has to offer with its pain and its raging happiness.
One day you will be content. I have come to believe that living content? It's one of the top human goals of a life well lived. Don't strive to live happy. Happiness is fleeting. Strive to live open to all of life's experiences. Strive to keep your heart wide open. Strive to be compassionate and loving. Strive to be content and not be always reaching into the past or the future.
When we are first suffering from any tragedy or grief we feel like the emotions that we are feeling are wrong. I chatted with a young widow last night and she said something like this, "Grief. I didn't know grief. No one teaches you this."
Isn't she so right? As children we are hidden away from death. We are told about the one who died and that they are ok in Heaven and that they are free and loved. But what about us? We aren't really taught about what we are going to feel when a tragedy hits, or someone we love dies, or someone leaves us and breaks our heart, or we lose our dream. We are told we will feel sad. But what does that include? Sad can mean feeling: depressed, numb, lost, lonely, scared, anxious, exhausted, hopeless, unworthy, unloved, angry, and more.
One day you won't feel all those emotions all at once.
One day you will open the curtains in the morning and see the sunrise of a beautiful day and you will feel excited for what the day has in store.
One day your heart won't be in pain all day and on fire all night. One day your heart will break open and feel more compassion and more self-love.
To get to your "one day" you have to go through all of the emotions that tragedy, trauma, and grief bring. Your emotions are your soul's way of telling you what's going on with you. What you are feeling is completely and totally normal. What you are feeling............millions of other humans have felt before and they have survived. Time does not heal all wounds but in time your suffering fades. Time does not heal all wounds but in time you feel happiness again. Your wound is always there. Covered up with scar tissue, and self love, and compassion. Your wound sews itself into your heart and becomes a part of who you are. Before that happens it feels like the wound is overtaking your entire body, your mind, your soul. It's wildly pacing around in your veins and waking you up at night to remind you of it's existence. But in time.........eventually.....the wound settles down. It rests. It stops raging. And you can once again feel joy, happiness, and even love. In how much time? It's different for everyone. It might be 1 year. It might be 2 years. It might be 5 years. And it might be a falling back and forth between feeling awful and feeling great.
One day you're going to be ok.
One day you're going to feel alright.
One day you will once again be excited for your future.
One day you'll get your faith back, your confidence restored, your smile will return.
One day your heart will feel content.
One day you you will feel grateful for getting to where you are and that you are intact, you are alive, you are breathing and have a chance to follow your heart.
One day you will be sitting somewhere and your mind will drift off while looking at a beautiful sky and you will think to yourself....."Wow. I'm ok. After all that I went through. After all that pain. After all the hard times and the hard work to put my life back together........I'm ok. My heart is open. I am content."
One day, Brave Lady. One day.
Love always, Nik
My private Facebook group "Brave Ladies Club" is for women who lost a spouse/partner to suicide.