Don't date a strong widow

Don't date a strong widow if..........

If you haven't healed, come to acceptance, and let go of whatever happened in your past relationship. Don't bring it to the table. Don't complain about it. Don't blame your Ex for your current issues. Don't say that your Ex was crazy because that's a huge red flag. Why do women get called "crazy" by men they aren't with anymore? That woman went "crazy" because her emotions were toyed with, neglected, or unnoticed. If you haven't let go of your past relationship then you aren't ready to date anyone.....period.

If you aren't comfortable with the fact that their husband is dead. It makes you uncomfortable? Well, it's a fact that isn't going to change. His name is going to come up in normal everyday conversation. Her grief over losing him is going to last her entire lifetime. If you aren't comforable with this fact? Don't date a widow.

If it makes you feel uneasy that she has children with another man. Another man who died so he can't take the kids every other weekend so you and her can get out of town on a romantic getaway. If she has young children? She is a solo, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week parent. There is no other parent. No other safety net. Her children are her very, very top priority. She doesn't need you to be her kids "new" Dad. Most likely she's taking care of her children just fine on her own and has become used to it by the time she is ready to date. So, you don't need to be their Daddy but if you can't handle the thought of someday down-the-road meeting them and being a male mentor to them? Then step aside and let her continue on with her life. Step aside because you're blocking the the doorway for the guy who is fully prepared, confident, and ok with this.

If you don't understand that she has been to hell and back and survived. She has had her life started on fire and she stood inside of those flames and didn't get burned. She's sensitive but brave. Loving and kind but strong. She knows things you will never know. She has felt things you will never feel. Her spouse died and she had to keep on living and take care of her home, her finances, her children, and take over all of the jobs around the house that he took care of. She might be more of a man than you are and you have to be OK with that. You have to be in awe of that. You have to be in love with that.

If you don't realize that on certain holidays she might still cry over her spouse that died. And it has nothing to do with you. And you should let her cry. And you should hold her. And you should be as strong as a rock and as soft as a pillow so that she feels 100% safe in your arms.

If you aren't prepared to date her. Really date. Don't tell her "let's hang out sometime" or "maybe we can meetup next week." Ask her on a date. A real date. It doesn't have to be fancy. It could be a hike and a picnic. A walk along the river, some cold beers, and conversation. But treat her like a woman not like one of your men buddies. Send her flowers. Drop her a note on her car if you see it downtown. Text her nice things. Call on the phone to ask her how her day is going. She is the prize and if you win her over? If you get to be with a strong widow? You are very blessed and there's not enough room on this page for me to explain why. A strong woman who doesn't need you in her life but wants you in her life? That is a gift. Don't waste it.

If you think that you can win her over with pretty words. She can see through it. She has been through so much trauma, tragedy, and suffering that she can smell bullshit a hundred miles away. Don't hurt her more than she has already been hurt in her life. Don't play one has time for that.

So, Don't date a strong widow if you aren't aware of what that means. But also? Don't be afraid to ask a strong widow out on a date. Sure, she might turn you down and it might be because she doesn't catch your vibe, or because she's not ready to date, or because her life is too busy with work, kids, and her own goals. Most likely she's not going to ask you out. She's just not going to. Ask her out if you are aware and can see from far away that she's broken hearted but strong, beautiful but not defined by outer beauty, sensitive but full of grit, free spirited but ready for a real relationship. Don't date a widow if you think she's weak. If you think she needs you to care for her or her children financially or otherwise. She doesn't need you to step up as a prince on a white horse to save her. She already saved herself long ago. She needs a guy who can make her laugh. Like really, really laugh until she cries. She needs a guy who shows up. She wants a guy who likes to have fun and is adventerous and is honest to the core. She wants a guy to enjoy life with and she might not even want to ever get married ever again but wants a friend to watch the sunset with.

Don't date a strong widow if you think she's like other women you've dated. She's not. She's unique. She can feel when somethings not right in her gut. If you get scared about her lifestyle she will say goodbye in friendship and love because she is protecting her heart and doesn't need to get hurt again. She isn't afraid to stand alone. She isn't afraid to be alone and to love it.

Date a widow if you're honest, loving, kind, authentic, strong and heck....funny is a pretty great quality too because we all need to laugh after we've been through hell and back.

Date a strong widow because she will teach you things about how to really live that you can't learn from anyone else.

Love, Nik


Copyright Nik Bonkoski 2020

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