Dear you,
You, who is in pain today.
You, who is angry and hurting.
You, who sees no light at the end of the tunnel.
You, who feels alone.
You, who's anxiety keeps them up all night.
You, who can't seem to let go.
You, who gets judged for moving forward and being happy.
You, who feels abandoned.
You, who chases dreams you can't seem to catch.
You, who has a traumatized soul.
You, who thinks no one cares.
Breathe.
I close my eyes and pray for you. I see your names clicking like on my posts and I send prayers into the cosmos for every....single....one of you.
Let's get real for a moment.
All of my writing is real. All of it. It's so real, so raw, so brutally honest and strikingly healing that it should blow your hair back. All of it is mine....it’s my heart, my wisdom, my pain.
I love writing in poetry and prose form. I love storytelling but then.....once-in-awhile.... I want to knock you down lovingly with truth.
Dear you, my trauma tricks me into fearing to cross the street almost every...single...day. I cross it anyways. I want to live. Really live. I used to pull my car over in blinding, oxygen stealing panic attack and now I keep driving with the windows down and the music up. LIVE.
Dear, you........Life after loss, after trauma, after being abandoned and having to pick up the pieces of a mess you didn't make is brutal. It's so hard. I'm not waiting for some someday. I'm loving and being grateful for my life right now. Right now in each moment because I know this is my life. I could travel the world in a camper at 57. I could get hit by a bus at 45. I could die by natural causes at 93.
Live your life. All of it. The length of it and the width of it. Choose to live with grace through the joy and through the pain. This is life and it's all worth it and there's beauty in every bit of it. Live through it. Live.
I’m just a regular 41 year-old-woman. (P.S. I turn 42 on October 10th!)
I don’t care about gaining followers. I care about people. I care about your pain. If you see me on the street? Please, Say..hello! I want to give you a hug! I want to know you.
I’m not building a brand with my writing. This is not a brand....this is just me turning my hand, knowledge, and wisdom out to you because I’ve been in the dark and it was terrifying. I don’t want you to be alone.
I'm going to throw more of my fear out the window this year. I'm going to tell my anxiety to take a bus out of town when it rises in my veins. I'm going to write with fierce bravery even if nothing is ever published. Published writing doesn’t make you more worthy. I am a writer no matter where my words land.
Dear, you......Breathe. Listen to my words. I will only shower you in loving truth and not forceful toxic positivity. I will send you love always.
You can be happy and sad.
You can celebrate and be in pain.
You can live when you want to give in.
If you aren’t happy? Know that happiness comes and goes. It will knock on your heart again one day. Happiness isn't the ultimate thing to strive for in life even though our society has taught us that it is. What should we strive for? Being content. Contentedness is pure gold. Run after it with everything you've got and then sit down, look up at the sky, and know that you are loved.
I reach every day to live content. I want you to try to do the same. You deserve to really be inside of your life feeling fully alive. Stop worrying about what happens when we die and start living while you are still alive.
Trust life even when it seems to have screwed you over, tricked you, and left you behind.
You see?
Live your life.
Now.
Cry when the tears come to you. Tears? They don't only release sadness. They release stress hormones, anxiety....and old stories.
Close your eyes. Breathe.
Sing when the song plays for you.
Dance. Dance. Dance.
Drink wine with friends and laugh. Please, laughter is everything. Laughter is free therapy.
Keep going.
Keep shining.
Where you are is not where you are stuck.
Others lives are not more shiny than yours....they maybe just make the choice every 5 minutes of every single day to be happy, to let go, to choose love and joy and living for right now.
You are loved. Even when everything feels in pieces.
I give all of my extra prayers to you, dear friends.
I love you. If you see me on the street? Holler, "Hey, Nik? Is that you?" And I will reply, "Heck, yeah, it's me! Get over here and give me a hug."
Love always, Nik
donating = loving
https://venmo.com/nikki-bonkoski
For 7 years my blog, social media, and support groups have remained free (and ad-free). It takes me hundreds of hours a month to research, write, and sustain my work. Your support really matters. If you find any value in what I do, if my writing has helped your life and your heart...please consider becoming a sustaining patron with a recurring monthly donation of your choosing, between a cup of coffee and a good book. You can also become a spontaneous supporter with a one-time donation in any amount. God bless you.
Thank you!!
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