Every single day regular humans lose their lfe to suicide.
They aren't famous and talented designers like Kate Spade.
They aren't world travelers, culinary masterminds, and storytellers like Anthony Bourdain.
They aren't country music superstars like Naomi Judd.
You see? It doesn't matter if you are a public figure, a super star, a stay-at-home Mom, or a man working a blue-collar job.
We all have a suitcase. A suitcase filled with things we feel and think that we don't tell other people.
And it doesn't matter if our suitcase is designer brand or one we picked up for free at a rummage sale.
We are all the same at our core.
We are all human.
We all have a shadow that accompanies our light. Your shadow isn't your enemy but keeping it silent is.
Every single day there are people who don't reach out for help and there are ones that do reach out for help but the help isn't enough.
Can we save everyone? I don't know. I sure hope that people can learn to save themselves and reach out for a hand to hold when they need it but there are no gaurantees in life.
What can we do?
We can all unpack our suitcase.
We can stop trying to be perpetually positive because it's killing us.
When you feel happy and joyful? Spread it around like glitter. Sing it. Dance it. Smile at strangers and let it lift your heart to the sun.
And when your shadow pulls at your soul? When you feel dark and alone and numb? Be honest. Be authentic. Be direct in your words to others so they fully understand the emergency you may be trying to alert them to.
So many humans have had a one time split second thought of leaving this earth. But no one talks about it.
And is that why so many people die by suicide? Is it only because they are afraid of the stigma? Maybe but maybe not. Maybe there are depths to their pain that we just can't understand. Maybe they could care less what people thought of their shadow but they just couldn't take it anymore.
My first husband died by suicide.
After he died I experienced my own depression. Not just grief. Full on depression. Numb. Muddy. Cloudy. Foggy. Deadly silent. Sitting alone in the dark wishing the lights would never turn on again. Sitting with family or friends who were laughing and carrying on about their lives and I wished a bus would hit me on the way home. Split second thoughts of the pain being too much. Split second thoughts about the numbness being an everlasting void that felt endless. Split second thoughts about leaving this earth.
There is no shame in your shadow. There is nothing to hide about your very human emotions. We've all been there. Public figure or not we are the same. We share the stories of public figures that die by suicide because so many people know who they are and it's a way to get the message of love and hope and knowledge out into the world.
Today and tomorrow and the next day we will lose more wonderful and very loved humans to suicide. I don't know how we make it stop. I don't know if kindness and spreading light is enough but it definately isn't going to hurt anybody to get hit by a ray of sunshine and warm love.
Unpack your suitcase.
It's ok to not be ok.
It's ok to be ok.
It's ok to have thoughts that being human is just too hard today.
But you keep getting up. Ok?
You keep fighting, ok?
You are loved. So loved.
And if you can't stay? I won't judge you. Only mourn for the loss of your amazing spirit.
Every single day we all need to keep unpacking our suitcase, being radically authentic, and keep speaking our valid emotions.
Every single day we need to remember that we are loved, we are born worthy and of value, and that our shadow only wins if we keep it silent.
You are not alone.
In fierce love and compassion,
Nik Bonkoski
Dear ones, I've really battled wanting to walk away from writing about suicide lately. I want to be me. I dream of working at a library or with children out in nature. I dream of being seen as me, myself, and I and not the girl who writes dark, inspiring, moody prose about death. Not the woman who was once so long ago abandoned by suicide. But....once again God has put this calling into my heart. Once again he rests His hand on my shoulder and says, "You didn't choose this, dear child. It isn't all of who you are but there are those out there that need your words. Keep writing. I will give you the strength." So, I will continue writing from my soul because if you are in a dark place and need my words? I want you to have them. I hope they wrap you in warm love and keep you fighting. You are LOVED. I live in Minnesota USA. I'm crazy about: Hiking, reading, dogs, nature, camping, collecting books, poetry & prose, thrifting. I'm a wife and Mother and I protect those two callings with everything I've got.
Welcome to my work as a writer, spiritual mentor, and certified grief support specialist. I have been doing this work since 2015 and my writings and teachings have spread globally. I believe in truth, radical authenticity, and spreading information to help people grow. I will spend my life teaching others about healing. I hope you resonate with my message that I channel through my life experience, learned wisdom, and warm heart and soul. I am passionate about nature, self-love, spiritual knowledge, mental wellness, and living my very best life no matter what I endure along the way. Life hasn’t cheated me. I cheat my own life if I give up and don’t follow my calling to share my heart. I hope my words resonate with you and through my wisdom you find guidance. There is a beautiful light inside of you that can never be bent, bruised, or shattered. I believe that we all have the ability to rise through any trials or struggles in our life with grace, joy, and God's everlasting LOVE.
Many of you have asked for a place to say "thank you" for my writing. Your loving gifts help me to help others and I'm eternally grateful to you for helping me keep my writing FREE of charge online for everyone around the globe to read. Words help people. They simply do.
God bless you!
And reach out, dear one! I answer all of your emails. All of them. Your story is safe in my heart...always. If you need a hand to hold...I'm reaching mine out to you!
My FREE Facebook Support Groups. I am a certified grief support specialist and the only admin of these super helpful and loving groups that I started in 2017. I hope inside of these communities you find healing, friendship, knowledge, and buckets of hope & shining LOVE.
Brave Ladies Club Support for women who lost spouse/partner to suicide.
Women only age 18 and up.
Manhood Untamed Men's mental health support group:
Men only age 18 and up.
Grief Untamed Grief support group for any and all grief. Women and men ages 18 and up.
If you are struggling with your own mental health, life's hardships, or suicidal thoughts please make a call. Here is a list of suicide and crisis hotlines wordwide.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline-USA
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
Toll-free European number, 00800-1273-TALK (8255).
Text to Talk in USA
Get free help now: Text CONNECT to 741741 in the United States.
Text 686868 in Canada
Lifeline Australia
Call 13-11-14
Global Suicide & Crisis Hotlines
BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS ON MY WRITING. THANK YOU!!!
"Wow. This is beautiful. Nik, thank you for telling your story, because of you, millions are able to share stories just like this one. I got the chills reading this. I hope you know how important you are in this world, and I don’t even know you and I can see that from afar."
"I want to thank you, thank you, thank you for putting yourself out there, for writing so eloquently about your (this/our) deal, for diving in deep and sharing your learnings, for welcoming us broken people into a community we can be proud of. All the very best to you Nik, you are a legend beyond your lifetime already."
"What a true legacy and a public service you are doing, Nik..unfortunately out of your own pain you have found strength and have placed in the mind of others to seek help . I applaud you . Well done. What you do is not easy but you do it anyway."
"If there were more Nik's in the world, it would be such a serene place."
"I just want to say how incredible and inspirational you are. Your strength and courage is something I admire so much and the quotes and advice you post is amazing and something that helps me on bad days. I suffer with anxiety, depression and ptsd and your page is such a blessing on my life. Your experiences and the way you’ve coped with them is something you should be proud of dealing with. I look up to you and will continue to follow your journey and thrive from your super inspiration daily."
"The most powerful thing I have ever read. Thank you Nik ❤ This world is so much better, because you're in it. You are literally saving lives, I guarantee it."