Here's a question I get asked a lot recently: "Dear Nik, are you ever scared that something "bad" will happen in your life again? How do you choose to be brave and loving?"
I have learned that we cannot pray or wish for nothing "bad" to happen in our lives. Life does not work that way. We will all experience loss, hardship, and more.
What do I do now when my anxiety rises and my past trauma lies to me and tells me that my world might crash down again sometime in the future?
I turn to God. Does it fix everything? Completely take away those emotions? Of course not. But it reminds me that God is with me through it all and no matter what happens in my life....I am fully loved and seen and held.
I have learned that when tragic things happen in our lives.....to really heal and move forward? We have to build something completely new. Not build upon the house that burnt to the ground but walk away from that and build new.
We have to choose to be brave enough to let go of anything from the past that doesn't feel authentic to our today.
God is calling us to build something new.
God isn't as hyper-focused on our past as we are.
God is focused on guiding us to our new future.
For a long time....I stayed stuck....no, frozen in my past. Trying to keep everything around me the same and did that feel good? No, it felt terrible. Did it keep me safe? No, it made me feel worse. It kept me inside of the tornado of pain. When I dug down deep into my inner strength and stepped forward?
It felt amazing. I walked away from the house where all the trauma resided and I got some new lumber and built something completely new...way far away from the rubble of my past. And I feel renewed.
Not everything or everyone from our past can come along on our journey into our future.
Building on our past can create a shaky foundation for our life that is happening today.......our new start.
I know it's scary. I know it feels safe to stay frozen but there is such content and peace and grace out there down the road when we make the brave choice to step forward.
This is how we build resilience and courage and even LOVE.
When one thing burns to the ground?
We take the time to heal and let it hurt and then we set it down with deep love, walk away...and build something new.
And we continue to do this every single time life knocks us to our knees.
Kneel, feel it, then let it fall away.
I am not talking about "letting it go". People like us who have trauma in their bones? We can't just let that go. It stays with us, inside of us...maybe forever. And maybe that's ok because dang, we are wise!
Just step forward. When you're ready. When it feels good to do so. You are wrapped in love and warmth. Step forward when you have given yourself the time that your heart requires to heal. Don't rush yourself. It takes time.
Build yourself a brand new life. God is there with you....helping you, guiding you along the way.
I stepped forward and I will tell you, friends....I felt this rush of warm and loving light. I felt reborn. My past is never forgotten but I can't take all of it with me into my future.
We are built to burn to the ground. Rebuild. Burn to the ground. Rebuild. Burn to the ground.........start new.
Don't be afraid to build a new life. I can't describe well enough the freedom and healing that lives inside of doing so. When you're ready....when it's your time.
God can see your future. And it's beautiful.
God is calling you to build something brand new.
Love always, Nik Bonkoski
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