Updated: May 1, 2022
Today I want you to remember, to realize, to know that you always have the choice of how you get through hard times.
Yes, it's your choice.
Is it easy? No.
When my first husband ended his life by suicide many things ran through my mind in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. I would think....."Maybe I will drink until I can't remember anything, maybe I will hate myself and destroy myself, or maybe I will jump off the bluff and end it all?"
These thoughts swirled and swirled through my head. And this was not just grief. It was so much more than that. When he died my entire life blew to pieces. I lost my business. I lost my passion for life. I lost friends. I lost my dreams. I lost my self-worth. I lost....ME.
I made the choice to: to not drink myself into a blackout and I stood at the edge of that bluff and I didn't jump......I sat down and made a list of good things I could do in my life to try to cancel out some of the trauma and darkness I'd been through. I made the choice that because someone had stolen years of my life.....I would take back the rest of my life and make it my own.
I chose to heal my pain and trauma and tend to my grief and then on my good days...to set down all my endless struggles and put out my hand to someone else. Often we get stuck in our own mind. We get stuck thinking about over and over our own struggles and I will tell you that hearing others and helping them? It forces us to step outside of ourselves and realize that doing this is a great healer. Maybe the greatest healer there is.
You want to know how to get through your tragedy?
Choose. Choose to get through it. Tell yourself that you will get through it. Do whatever it takes to get through it in a healthy way.
It is your choice how you live your life no matter what your circumstances are.
It is your choice to be angry or bitter or joyful and full of grace.
I was filled with such a burning anger after he ended his life that I wanted to stand on the edge of a bluff and tell the world off. Instead? I sat down at the edge of that bluff and I made a list of ways to help other people and turn my pain into something good. It wasn't an easy choice but it was a choice.
You might never heal fully.
The trauma can't be 100% extracted but it can be transformed.
Let it make you bitter or let it make you more loving.
Let it make you angry or let it make you humble.
Let it make you cruel or let it make you compassionate.
If you got left with a big mess to clean up? I know it's hard every single day. I'm wrapping you in the biggest hug.
You can do this.
It's going to be hard. Really hard. You'll have to do painful healing work that can take years. Alcohol won't fix you. Partying won't get you to your new life. There will be people who don't like you healing and moving on. Heal and move on anyways. You cannot possibly make everyone like you or make everyone like your choices. Shut out the world. Keep your circle small and full of healthy people with your same goals and values and morals. Read books. Go for hikes. Focus on YOU...YOU matter. Know that you will have to let go of almost all of the past to truly get to a brand new life. It will be brutally hard but do it and when you get there? Never, ever look back. God's got you! He will take the bad and evil that happened to you and turn it into a beautiful new story. You'll get a new fairytale just like I did but you will have to fight for it. You must fight for it. And on the days you can't? Rest, dear one. Rest and know I'm praying for you.
It's your choice.
I'm here if you need a friend who's walked this broken road and came out on the other side.
I'm here to lend a hand, lend a shoulder, lend an ear, lend some wisdom.
Reach out. I'm here and I care very much.
All you need is love with a little dash of HOPE.
Have a beautiful day/evening....wherever you are in the world.
Walk away from anything that brings you pain.
God loves you.
Love always, Nik
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