Updated: Jul 17
I have a little story I just have to tell you.
I might not get this story word-for-word but you will get the overall feeling from my words. I might not have all the details of her trip exactly spot on but this is the overall meaning of the story she told me.
A friend that I have known since we were 14 years-old told me she had something she felt she wanted to tell me as we hadn't seen each other in quite some time.
Just days after my first husband died by suicide....3 of my girlfriends (one being this friend who shared this story with me) showed up at my home with food and wine. We sat around my kitchen table and we talked about what happened. I barely remember what we talked about but it's very vivid in my heart that they came to sit witness to my pain.
My friend told me that she felt so sad and awful for me that day we sat around my kitchen table because I was in so much pain and was rambling that I was angry at God (very angry) and I didn't believe a loving God could even exist if horrors like this could happen. She said it pained her heart back then (almost 6 years ago) to hear me say that, it shocked her......she hadn't been through tragedy of this level and didn't understand. She had never heard someone speak the way I was that day....in so much dark pain.
Not long after she sat at my table....her and her husband traveled to Israel. They explored and toured all over.
She told me that they went to Jesus's birthplace and stood in line to write down a prayer to give to.. ...I think she said a Priest that stood at the front? You got to write down one prayer. ONE.
She said, "I don't know why I'm telling you this. But, I wrote down a prayer for you, Nikki. I don't know why but I did. I prayed that God would help you, find you, rescue you." "I prayed that you wouldn't be angry anymore and would regain your faith."
I said, "Oh my goodness. You prayed for......me? Wow. Thank you!! You are such a wonderful friend. Wow."
Dear ones.....my friend traveled all that way and she had one prayer at that sacred and holy place. She could have prayed for anyone...anyone. She most definitely could have prayed for herself, her husband, her family. But she prayed for me.
She said that she noticed in the weeks and months afterwards how my writing and social media posts have changed and I speak openly about God and my faith. She was happy to know that God was back in my life....back in my heart.
My friend traveled all the way to Jerusalem and she prayed for me. She laid my name on God's heart. She put my name on the wind in that holy land.
That is one of the most amazing things another human being has ever done for me. Just.....wow.
I have zero doubt that her prayer that day helped me.
Her prayer put my name on Jesus's heart.
Her prayer helped to put me on the path to healing, to my own resurrection.
I'm eternally grateful to her for giving up a prayer for herself to give one to me. That is a true gift. She said she wasn't even sure why she was giving her prayer to me that day but that she felt like she needed to. Friends, God writes things on our hearts and works through us to help others.
Pray for others.
Pray for your friends.
We all need others to love us in this way.
We all need others to try to help and protect us in this way....even if we don't believe at the time...even if we never do believe.
Almost 6 years after my first husband's suicide.....I am not angry at God. I have a deeper understanding and knowledge about whom God is. God is love. God doesn't promise to protect us from pain or to not allow things we cannot handle into our lives. God does say, "I will be with you."
Jesus has been with me on my entire journey.......It just took me some time to see that with my own eyes, my own heart.
Take from this story what resonates with your own heart.
Keep unloving and critical judgments to yourself, please.
It doesn't matter to me if you believe or don't believe and it doesn't matter to me what you do believe about God. I love you. All of you. I share my stories with you because maybe they will touch a place in one persons heart. Maybe they will inspire you to reach out to others, love others, and pray for your friends.
I've been blessed with so many amazing humans in my story. And, friends? I bet you have too. They just haven't told you their part in your story yet. Often angels are disguised as friends and they don't reveal themselves until much later in the story.
Thank you to my friend who wrote down that prayer for me on that day. I'm so grateful. I can never repay you for that level of love but I absolutely will continue the LOVE as long as I live. I just had to share this amazing story. It's something I know others need to read, need to hear.
Dearest friends, I pray for all of you....every single day.
I give my prayers......TO YOU.
I love you.
Your friend, Nik
Writer, Grief Support Specialist, Christian Spiritual Mentor
P.S. My Facebook page "Nik Bonkoski" has been hacked and I have no access to it. I cannot post, delete, or answer messages. I would like to keep all of my writing and loving ministry right here on my blog/website so it is 100% safe and secure. Leave me a tip to say 'thank you' for my writing if it helps your heart. God bless you! Your loving support helps me keep my writing and loving ministry 100% online so it is free and accessible to everyone.
I am moving all of my writing off of social media to my blog. I hope you continue to follow along. I will now be posting my writing and loving ministry only here in this beautiful and sacred space. This is a step forward in my journey of ministering to hearts around the globe. I love you, dear ones. If you need to reach out? Please, do so here by emailing me and not on my social media pages. I'm here for you always. I'll never leave you to row the boat alone. Reach out, I care about you. Reach out, you aren't really alone. Reach out, I'm waiting here for you with a warm hug and my words of wisdom, friendship, and love. Thank you and God bless. xoxo firstname.lastname@example.org
Beautiful messages from people who follow my writing:
"Beautiful testimony. It took me over 15 years to stop and listen to God after we lost my brother. I was on a rollercoaster of angry, upset, confused, hurt... for a LONG time. Your words have far reaching consequences Nik that you will probably not ever learn about in this lifetime and I’m so grateful for your ministry." "Nik, I want you to know your page has been the biggest eye opener to my life. I look forward to seeing your page and reading your uplifting posts. It's reminds me to keep on keeping on. I truly respect you and your ability to be vulnerable with strangers. It's inspiring to see you use your pain and suffering, to reach out to others. I aspire to be half the person you are one day." "Nik, You help me to fight the demons inside... Thank you! Your strength is inspirational and courageous!"