top of page

Don’t cash in your life today

Dear you, 

You who is thinking of taking their own life today. 

Here is what will happen if you go through with it. 

You will be found. Most likely and almost always by a family member that loves you. That memory will never leave them. 

That family member will have to call 911 while their hands shake and their heart is in shock. 

The police will come and investigate the scene. They have to make sure it was a suicide and not foul play or an accident. 

The family member that found you will notify other family members. The chain of pain starts at this moment and trickles on down the family tree throughout the day. 

If you are will go knock on your door and say to your spouse, "I'm sorry. Your spouse killed themselves today. They are gone. They died." 

Your spouse will pace around and replay that morning. They will want to run screaming down the street with no shoes on but they won't......because your small children are napping in the next room. The shock keeps your spouse from trying to follow your spirit to Heaven. 

5 minutes or an hour later the police show up at your home to interview your spouse. They hand them your wallet, your keys...your belongings and they ask a million very personal questions and ask to look in your fridge and medicine cabinet for clues. 

The day you take your life the people around you that love you......their lives are turned upside down. 

Your spouse will immediately get phone calls from organ donation banks, the mortuary, the church. Instead of falling into a heap of tears in bed they will stand in your kitchen planning your funeral. Do you want roses or sunflowers? A wood casket or metal? Pictures of trees on the church program or the photo of a farm? So many things to figure out when a life ends so abruptly. 

On the day that you die the word will spread fast thanks to good ol' social media. Friends will be posting, "R.I.P." on your Facebook page before all of your family has even been notified of your passing. 

Your parents will be in shock. 

Your siblings knees will hit the floor. 

Your friends will wonder about what they could have done. They will beat themselves up that they never returned the call (for help?) that you left just the other day on their voicemail. 

Everyone will wonder how they will live all these decades without you. 

Your job will be notified that you have died. Your work items sent home. 

No one you love will eat anything that day. 

Everyone you love will hold each other that day....possibly blame each other or themselves on that day. Some will lose their faith in God...others will cling to theirs like a life line. The angels will cry. Your dog will wonder when you are coming home to take her for a run. Your mail will arrive with no one to open it. Your clothes will hang sadly in your closet. Your coffee cup will sit dirty on the counter. Remnants of a life left too soon. 

On the day that you take you life.....there are a series of events that unfold like dominoes that cracks the hearts of those you love...forever. They are never, ever the same. They might wonder if they ever really knew you, forever wonder of secrets you might have kept, and eternally mourn thinking of the pain you must have silently been going through. 

Dear you, If you are thinking of taking your life today. I hope this reaches you. YOU ARE LOVED. YOUR LIFE MATTERS. THERE IS HELP, AND HOPE. And life can get better. I don't write this to guilt you into staying. I understand that sometimes.....people leave this earth and it's not because they want their life to end...they need their pain to stop. I know that sometimes people take their own lives and they don't have the mental or emotional capacity to think of what this will do to their loved ones. They are too deep into the darkness.....the silent blackness where all they can hear is the enemy saying, "You don't matter to anyone. This pain will never end." So if you still leave? I send so much LOVE to your soul. I hope you are free of your darkness and I hope you can hear how much we love you from Heaven. 

Dear you, I tell you this synopsis of the day you might end your life so you know...all these people LOVE YOU. All these people want to shelter you, help you, risk their own lives to save you. 

Take a deep breathe. 

Know that most suicides are thought of days, weeks, months before but not followed through on. YOU. DO. NOT. have to follow through on these thoughts and feelings. You can stay and fight. 

Know that once you are can't come back. 

Please know....that you are so loved. 

Others want to help yet it's so hard to notice someone's internal struggles so use words that are straight and to the point like, "HELP me." and then stay put until we arrive. 

Reach out so we can REACH IN. 

We love you. 

Love always....your friend, Nik 


Copyright: Nikki Bonkoski 2022 Do not copy and paste these words. Thank you. 

Leave me a tip to say 'thank you' for my writing if it helps your heart. God bless you! Your loving support helps me keep my writing 100% online so it is free and accessible to everyone around the world. I pour hours of my personal time into this page, answering hundreds of messages, and my free support groups every single day for over seven years. Thank you for valuing the love and help I put out into the world. Your loving gift helps others get the free grief, mental wellness, and spiritual help they really need & deserve. Your loving gift helps me to help others.

If you are struggling with your own mental health, life's hardships, or suicidal thoughts please make a call. Here is a list of suicide and crisis hotlines wordwide.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline-USA

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of over 200+ crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline with the number 9-8-8. It is available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.

Available 24 hours everyday

Toll-free European number, 00800-1273-TALK (8255).

Text to Talk in USA

Get free help now: Text CONNECT to 741741 in the United States.

Text 686868 in Canada

Lifeline Australia

Call 13-11-14

Global Suicide & Crisis Hotlines


Recent Posts

See All
bottom of page