Nikki Bonkoski spreads love and truth through her authentic and powerful writing.
She is a woman who has risen from the ashes of tragedy with grace, love, authenticity, and faith. In 2015, her first husband died by suicide. She has been writing since November of 2015. This tragedy brought her to her purpose and higher calling. She found the deep spirituality that always resided within her soul. Nikki found God was the rock at the bottom of her storm.
Nikki is a Writer, Christian Spiritual Mentor, and Grief Support Specialist who is on an eternal quest for knowledge and aspires to guide others in their own self-discovery, healing, spiritual, and life journeys.
On a beautiful, sunny Minnesota morning you will find her hiking naturally wild places with her children, writing with her dogs and cats at her feet, reading wonderful books, cooking, spending time with her husband-James, and connecting with people who are looking for guidance and companionship on their healing and spiritual journeys.
In her 20's she traveled the world including Singapore, Tokyo, Osaka, Amsterdam, London, Canada, and all of the USA: as a flight attendant for Northwest (now Delta) airline. This career taught her many lessons and insights into different people and cultures. When her intuition told her that this career wasn't in alignment with her purpose anymore, she said goodbye to the airline and created her own wedding florist & design business, Something Blue Design, out of her own home studio in 2006. Nikki has designed and created fresh florals for over 200 weddings and has been a personal assistant to many brides; organizing, decorating, and executing their special days. In 2013 her business, Something Blue Design, was featured in Minnesota Bride magazine. For years she has placed a piece of her heart into hundreds of brides hands. She closed her business in 2018. She is following new artistic avenues via her writing to fuel and feed her creative heart.
Nikki is the founder of The Brave Ladies Club. This is a private Facebook support group for women who lost a spouse/partner to suicide.
"Astounding. But, I am not surprised. I have just fallen upon your fabulous presence, via whatever mechanisms that seem to conspire such things. Your experience is the gift, ultimately to us all. Thank you for seeing the gift, and thank you so much for being one who understands the duty to share. The beauty is that you know what I mean."
"You are so profoundly eloquent.
The beauty of how you shape such words is moving in and of itself."
When the darkness consumed me, I couldn’t understand why. I prayed to God for help. I prayed for him to send help. He didn’t - except that you appeared in my FB newsfeed. To this day, I cannot tell you how. You brought me back to what I knew - nature heals, writing heals. Nothing else was helping.
Then you experienced a return to your faith, my faith I thought had failed me. I was angry. I stopped getting on FB, but I never stopped hearing your words resounding in the quiet corners of my mind. Slowly, almost against my will, I returned to your posts and faith has begun to creep back into my heart. I am a work in progress, a soul still fighting a darkness I don’t understand, but you have given me hope."
“I do not know you, but I felt I needed to tell you THANK YOU! Thank you for putting into words my own feelings. Thank you for being the light with your words when I am in such darkness. The struggle on a daily basis for me to choose life...is one of the hardest things I cope with on a daily, minute by minute basis... having to always remind myself to choose life. It is almost a year now that I have began going to church and feel God's presence guides me by being the light. I believe he sends people into my life to remind me to choose life. Thank you for always helping others. You help even people who do not reach out to you. You do all things through Love. Thank you!!”
"Thank you for being you, you help so much more than you will ever know I am finally happy with a wonderful fiance and new job. I felt so hopeless at times. You normalized sadness when everyone wanted me quiet. You have done so much for me.... maybe one day I will learn to be an awesome writer too."
"Hi Nik... I’m a Brave Lady (sort of... more on that later when I’m as brave as I’d like to be.) I write, in this moment near dawn, simply to tell you that you are such an inspiration to me. Your writings are minted water poured over a dry creek bed... each one revealing glimpses of your shattering while in themselves overwhelming and capturing the faith and strength that supported your golden decision to stay. I suffer for you and then, I suffer for the wretched souls that blindly reach for anything that might ease the agony if only for a moment... at first... but you never leave us reaching and wanting... not ever! I’ve learned that I can bear your suffering and my own with faith that beyond it I will find my own reasons to stay. You are a special soul and I hope you know that you are respected, admired and loved. Best of all, you are someone (sometimes the ONLY one) we can believe in. There are no words to describe how precious that is to the broken but hopeful empath that is me. Thank you so much and God bless your brave, loving heart for making the decision to stay to try to help the rest of us with our own decisions. Your broken wings have healed beautifully dear angel!"
“Your words help so many people, so many souls...people need to relate, to be understood...aching hearts and minds struggle to make sense of their experiences, to put thoughts into words or convey the depths of their despair and loss. You Nik, are the beautiful ray, the warm sun, the clear air after a thunderstorm. You are able to give a voice to feelings and through those words, it’s easy to feel the love you bestow. I hope you can feel it reciprocated from all of us who read what you write. How is it possible to just love someone 1,000s of miles away, just from their FB posts? And yet it is. Thank you Nik and I love you. Xxx Maria”
"You are truly amazing, Nik Bonkoski!!! This was so well written that it took me through what it would be like. It also brought up other areas that I can relate to a bit more. You are such a talented writer and have such a heart of gold... I am going to continue to share you with friends who may need to hear your voice and I would be very happy to support your ministry. Love and hugs to you, from Ontario, Canada... Have a nice rest of your weekend. Signed, A big fan and supporter of YOU. "
"I want you to know your page has been the biggest eye opener to my life. I look forward to seeing your page and reading your uplifting posts. It's reminds me to keep on keeping on. I truly respect you and your ability to be vulnerable with strangers. It's inspiring to see you use your pain and suffering, to reach out to others. I aspire to be half the person you are one day."
"You help me to fight the demons inside... Thank you!
Your strength is inspirational and courageous!"
"Hi there! I went live on my personal facebook page a few days ago talking about mental health awareness and it's inspired me to create a mental heath blog, which I'm working on as we speak. I just want to say you have inspired me and SO many other people. I have shared your posts to people who have lost their partners to suicide. You have such a kind and sweet soul. You are an angel. I love your videos, and your very long thought out posts. They give me hope and courage. I love how authentic and real you are. You are so good at writing and I hope you continue to do this."
"Good Morning, Nik! I don’t know if you will actually read this, but I’m hoping you do. I just want to thank you. This morning, I came across your ‘Dear Stranger’ video and it literally brought me to my knees. I felt like you were speaking directly to me. I have been struggling and am grateful for your beautiful heart and kind words. Thank you"
"I am a very loving person. But your writing challenges me on a new level. Wow! I adore you!!"
"Nik, I thank you for your passion and love. Your ability to share your personal experiences to me to my friends and family. You’ve uplifted me when I needed it the most. You have been my example of #LightTheWorldtoday. You’re example of Christ like love, shows through your writing.... thank you FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!"
Certainly we don’t know one another, yet I feel like I know you.
I admire the strength and courage you put forth in every word that you write. I admire the dedication and effort you put forth to help others. I admire the conviction you exhibit toward your cause... helping others.
You are truly a gift. Thank you for putting yourself out there as a beacon of light... of hope... of strength... to others. People that you will never know and faces that you will never see are being helped every day by your words.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Sending love and great big hugs from Buffalo, NY."
"Beautiful testimony. It took me over 15 years to stop and listen to God after we lost my brother. I was on a rollercoaster of angry, upset, confused, hurt... for a LONG time. Your words have far reaching consequences Nik that you will probably not ever learn about in this lifetime and I’m so grateful for your ministry."
"Wow. This is beautiful. Nik, thank you for telling your story, because of you, millions are able to share stories just like this one. I got the chills reading this. I hope you know how important you are in this world, and I don’t even know you and I can see that from afar."
"What a true legacy and a public service you are doing, Nik..unfortunately out of your own pain you have found strength and have placed in the mind of others to seek help . I applaud you . Well done. What you do is not easy but you do it anyway."
"If there were more Nik's in the world, it would be such a serene place."
"I just want to say how incredible and inspirational you are. Your strength and courage is something I admire so much and the quotes and advice you post is amazing and something that helps me on bad days. I suffer with anxiety, depression and ptsd and your page is such a blessing on my life. Your experiences and the way you’ve coped with them is something you should be proud of dealing with. I look up to you and will continue to follow your journey and thrive from your super inspiration daily."
"The most powerful thing I have ever read. Thank you Nik ❤ This world is so much better, because you're in it. You are literally saving lives, I guarantee it."
"Hi Nik, I hope you don’t mind me reaching out and messaging you. But I just read your long message with regards to loss and suicide and it really touched my heart."
"As the daughter of a beautiful mother who took her life last February after a long battle with cancer, I can honestly say that your words were the words that I have been trying to find but couldn’t.
I have been feeling a deep sorrow and pain for nearly 18 months now. And I can not put into words myself how I feel to allow others around me to understand what I am going through in my head and in my head, but I feel like your post pretty well explains exactly how I feel.Loosing my mum to suicide has changed me as a person and it has left a hole in my life that I don’t think any one of thing can fill. And it’s coming to terms with that, That I feel takes the most amount of time and understanding that the people around me can not fully understand my pain because they haven’t personally been through it.So I just wanted to say thank you for beautifully articulating into words how my heart feels everyday. "
"So thank you for being a positive influence in my life, especially right now when I’m feeling somewhat isolated, and not just physically"
First off, I want to let you know that I consider you a best friend, because that’s how much I connect with you and your writing. My husband died by suicide almost 3 months ago, making me a widow at 20 years old. Over those past 3 months, your words have been there for me when others haven’t and comforted me in ways others couldn’t. I’ve read every single one of your Facebook posts about 5 times over, and I even have some memorized. To know that the thoughts and feelings I’m experiencing are normal is so comforting in the most painful yet beautiful way. Painful because I wish that none of us would have to endure this loss, but beautiful because none of us are alone in the fight. So thank you, for giving me hope, for changing my life, and for inspiring me to do the same for others.
All the love."
"Hi my name is Mike...I want you to know that your post has reached Ireland..its one of the most profound, honest and sobering personal accounts I've ever read. it should be mandatory reading for all men."
"Thank you for opening up. Thank you for being more than just a video of a pretty girl getting ready- you’re human and you feel, and right now it’s comforting."
"So thank you Nik. Your courageous & strong willed spirit doesn’t go unnoticed. God bless you & your family. My love & prayers to you all."
"After already having sat through two “suicide prevention” talks at USAFA this year, I wish they would’ve said anything even remotely related to the truth that this woman is sharing. All I’ve gotten out of these hour-long talks is more guilt and regret, but this post, which only took a couple of minutes to read, has provided me with more peace of mind than any advice I’ve received at my school."
"Hi Nik, I wanted to thank you for saving the life of my daughter ( the young girl who is struggling and has twins) we didn’t know how much she was suffering but you gave her the will to live and the knowledge that she is very, very loved and needed by her babies and her family. Your words have saved a life but also gave her the will to get through this and to know much she is loved. I will be forever in your debt. Thank you Nik."
I'm not even sure that this message will reach you but I thought I would write to you anyways..
My name is ****** and I'm from a small country town in Australia..
I have continually thought about taking my life since my marriage ended in March this year that was until I read your post (the one with your beautiful little girl at her first ballet night). I first read it roughly 2 weeks ago it just happened to come onto my Facebook page and it gave me a complete different picture of everything. My son is 4 years old and I always thought to myself he wont remember me but after reading how hard it has been for you guys it completely opened my eyes to the other side of it. I'm not a crying person but everytime I read it...it breaks my heart.
I want to thank you for basically saving my life through your words. For me it wasn't a case of if I was going to end my life but when I was going to.
So from me and my beautiful son we thank you.
Much love from my boy and I to you and your family."
"Hi Nik. Your story really hit home with me, you see almost 20 years ago, when I was 7 years old I received a phone call from my father; where he prepped me for what was about to come and then told me he loved me for the last time. It couldn’t have been too long after that that we found out he was gone. My mom tried very hard to sugar coat what happened and lie to protect me, but to no avail because I already knew. I respect the way you approached the conversation with your daughter with so much honesty, it’s incredible how much young children can actually understand. I also find it so brave that you are able to share your story, it took me several years to be honest about mine. What you have done and what you are doing is going to help so many people, not just suicidal parents but the kids that are survivors. Thank you"
There is always a light within us that is free from all sorrow and grief,
no matter how much we may be experiencing suffering.
His love endures forever