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"Hi Nik. Hope you are having an amazing day. I've said for quite a while now that every day that you wake up on this side of the dirt is a good day, yet I've only truly lived that for the past few years. 
I have thought about posting a comment on your site every since that fateful day that I turned on my laptop and the very first thing I saw was the most happiest face so full of life and beauty. The face I'll never forget because although that incredible looking face looked as though it was bursting with joy, unfortunately the happiness and contentment I saw on that gorgeous little face wouldn't remain, couldn't remain, I thought, after reading your post and sinking into myself and my chair holding back the floodgates. The face of your little princess in her ballerina outfit will be forever burned into my memory as I remember just how very palpable my pain was and how I was immediately disgusted with myself for even thinking I had a right to assume that I could possibly know how you or your little girl felt that day. 
Where was I?...oh yes, I have thought about posting a comment, that statement is true, only it's true about 14 times over and the reason I've held back maybe legitimate or maybe not, but I certainly did not want to dampen or diminish the power, love, empathy, care, passion and so much more of you I see poured into these posts with a post that might come across even slightly as forward or pretentious or even shallow and insensitive. So when your post popped up on my screen this afternoon I thought, what a perfect post for me to finally communicate what I feel has been laid on my heart and soul since I first read your story. As I mentioned, that last thing I want to do is muddy the waters of the incredibly uplifting and brave journey you've decided to take on, not only head first, but in my observation, heart first as well. 
I can't remember ever reading such meaning and intense feeling contained within words of a computer screen. Yet that day and so many days after, your ability to express the realness of true happiness and the sheer horror of dark tragedy is intrinsically unique. 
And not to share just any story, but to do such justice to the life changing events you and your family had experienced and were continuing to live through speaks volumes to your character as a loving wife & mother; to just how deep your emotional identity lived inside as the exterior faced battle in the trenches of this life day-in & day-out. For you to be able to look the hurt and pain and unfairness those events poured upon your life, right in the face, own them, and take the time to work through them, with the courage it must have taken to rise above consistently, leaves me searching for adjectives that could even come close to filling that role adequately. 
So Nik, I hope you can hear the expression of truth in the very genuine pouring out of thanksgiving, love, (yes I said love but it's righteous love, of that I have no doubt) respect, and an awkward, gut wrenching sorrow that I'm confident is rooted in the pages of my own journey dotted with some of the same ink. 
Why? Simple. You could have very easily sank deep into a selfish pit of depression as you lived out your days buried in your own compounded grief and not a single soul would have or could have blamed you for taking that route. However, pardon the pun, like a phoenix from the ashes you chose to take your lot and use the platform of social media in such a way that there's really no way to really comprehend just how far of a ripple you have and are continuing to create in the dark and dreary world of depression, mental health, and suicide. I know too many souls that are gone, taken way too early from this world and the ones who loved them dearly. So if you would grant me a single wish of closing your eyes and listen carefully. There...can you hear that? That Nik is the thunderous applause of the loved ones lost as they cheer for you, your bravery, your honesty, your willingness to wake daily, throw back the covers and run into the day full of such inspirational words that create sentences that create paragraphs, that create pages in the ongoing story of your life that brings so much positive light into the world, and that's just what I can observe here. How on earth can anyone lay eyes on you without sunglasses is incomprehensible. Ok, I went silly on that one, but I'm confident that when you take the time to reflect on just how much you've done and how far you've come on your journey of life that took on a new course and purpose on that day only a few short years ago, I hope you walk to your favorite place, wrap yourself in a warm blanket and know without a sliver of a doubt just how much good you have done. 
Thank you Nik, for choosing us, out here in this crappy crappy world, to share who you are, where you've been, and knowingly or unknowingly loving us back along the way. Blessings to you and your incredible family." 

Copyright Nik Bonkoski 2020

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