Jesus is searching for your heart

I spent most of my life questioning God.

At times?

I felt that there was no way that the song "Jesus loves me" could be about me. Sure, it could be about a lot of other girls but me? Nah. I didn't understand why in the world He would

Me who I thought He didn't know.

Me who I assumed He had never really seen.

Me who made mistakes and did wrong things.

Why would He love me?

I pushed His love away for decades.

I didn't know that I was doing this.

I couldn't see or feel the big picture just yet.

I was raised Lutheran. I sang all the hymns and memorized all the verses.

And I questioned it all because there was something blocking my heart...something that wouldn't let it all in.

I resisted and I rebelled because I'm a detective and a philosopher in my soul. I thought there was some great mystery I had to figure out to get the truth of why He would love me.

I had it all wrong.

And yet that was the path that He meant for me.

A path of wrong roads and dark turns. Destructive young behavior and bad choices. Wrong relationships and hiding my light behind too much alcohol. Getting abandoned by suicide and having to start totally over feeling more than broken.

I had to go through it all so I would be so weary and so tired that I would finally, finally stop running and sit down on the broken highway of my life and He could finally find me. He finally chased me down, searched out my heart, and sat down next to me on that highway and said, "Hey, Kid. I love you. For no other reason than because I created you. That's it, kid. You don't have to be somebody great. You don't have to be perfect and shiny. You don't have to be so tough. I forgive you. I love you. Just lean into it, ok?"

Jesus chased me and never, ever gave up on me no matter how many times I gave up on Him.

And that my dear friends is true love. The truest love there is and I have tears streaming onto my keyboard while I write this to you because when I write truth? I feel it. I know it's the truth because it falls out of my eyes and I don't even know what I'm going to write until I sit down and it floods out of my fingers onto my keyboard.

The truth?

He's searching for you too.

Sit down. Let him find you.

Love always, Nik

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Copyright Nikki Bonkoski 2020

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